Monday, June 13, 2011

Devotional - Yet Will I Sing

So I do realize that it has been over a week since my last post.  We had my family in town all last week so I took a hiatus from blogging.  We had a really wonderful time.  So since the Lord has really been working some stuff in me, I thought I would share a bit.

Personally, we are in a challenging time.  I think it is the first time that we have ever been truly uncertain of the future or God's plan and the first time that I have had to REALLY trust the Lord. 

It's absolutely a make it or break it situation. Either God is really going to move, or it's gonna be BAD. I have never really been in that situation and my first inclination was to let the troubles completely engulf me.  I couldn't hear the Lord, I was mean to my kids and husband, just overall not pleasant. I quickly recognized that this was NOT the correct response and began asking the Lord what I should do. Do I need to get a job? What are the answers? The only answer I did get was "Come closer, spend time with me." This answer is not the one you want to hear.  It doesn't feel like you are "doing" anything to help the problem.

I grabbed a book I have mentioned here before "Deep Unto Deep" by Dana Candler because it was the only book on my shelf dedicated solely to intimacy with the Lord. I spent a whole week of afternoons with my kids playing in the kiddie pool in our backyard reading this book (again). Feeling a little renewed and hopeful I felt the Lord telling me to start spending some time at Ihop Jax, our local House of Prayer. 

After several weeks of spending a few hours on Friday nights there, I am slowly but surely feeling His grace in this wilderness time. I am not fully understanding what is happening and I have no better answers other than that He IS faithful to finish what He started and He is not going to leave me hanging out to dry. There is almost an anticipation of what He is going to do.

I feel like during this time He is increasing my capacity for Him, that He is drawing me closer to His heart and is peeling away the unnecessary things that hinder love.  The Bible says that "the Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously."(James 4:5) The Lord is actually jealous for our attention, He wants the WHOLE, not just the bits and pieces we offer on Sundays. I am far from perfection and boy do I mess up, but it's the realization of how precious He finds our willingness to be open before Him that pierces His heart.

Candler says "our agreement with His love while we are yet maturing is the great climax of our salvation journey". That is so awesome to me. Really meditate on what in means to "agree with His love". It will kind of blow you away.

So I don't have all my problems all figured out, but I am FINALLY learning (very slowly) to really trust in the Lord, that He has it all worked out, He knows the plan, and He will reveal it in His perfect timing. If this was to just teach me to trust Him, I'm cool with that. I am beginning to TRULY believe that His provision and plan is so much better than anything I could muster up in my own strength. 

II Samuel 22:31 says "As for my God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him."

You have to admit, you would much rather be behind His shield than out on your own doing it in your own abilities running around like a chicken with your head cut off. So while the waiting and stillness is frustrating at times, it is also a time to learn to rest in the storm (which I REALLY have a hard time doing).

So of course as I was leaving my Sunday night bible study a perfect song for what I have been feeling came on and of COURSE I cannot find a Youtube video for it, but here are the lyrics.

Audra Lynn
"Yet Will I Sing"
Album - "Fading"

Let this be the only love song I write
May You be the only Love in my life
I asked You to draw me, I said I would run
So though I walk through the valley, yet will I trust
I asked You to call me, I said I would come
So though I go up the mountain, yet will I run

Though my song be taken from me
Yet will I sing; yet will I praise You
Though the joy be taken from me
Yet will I laugh; yet will I shout unto You
Though the light be hidden from me
Yet will I walk; yet will I run after You
Though my heart be slain within me
Yet will I trust; yet will I follow You

‘Cause I know whatever You do, You do through the eyes of mercy
And nothing can be added to it, nothing can be taken away
There is a time for every purpose under the heavens
So though my weeping may last for the night
Oh how Your joy, it comes with the light

So while life is really tough right now, I am actually hopeful that God is totally going to take care of us and He is a good God, like for real :) I hope my ramblings have encouraged you to run after Him despite the circumstances, there are incredible treasures for those who wait upon Him :) 


Eva Scott said...

Thanks for sharing Erin.

Laura Bear said...

this is totally how i have been feeling! thanks for sharing! /praying with you :)

Juleen Kenney said...

Praying for you that God will make His way clear to you, and that you will sing in the midst of it all!

Anonymous said...

You don't know me but my name is mark and I was just googling Audra Lynn's lyrics to the song you posted and I read your blog. I was practically crying because I have been going through such a hard time. I am so confused with so muc stuff and things got 10times harder then when I first got saved 7 years ago. After reading your blog I finally noticed why God put me in hiding for 5 years it was because of these last 2 years that I have been going through. It was all preparation for what I was taught to do. And tha is lean to him in this place where I feel like I'm in a limbo, where no one can understand and Im in this bottomless pit, finding no light. Audra's songs have helped me out but this blog has reminded me that I forgot my first love, I remember now what I have to do I this time, thank you so much. I love you my sister in Christ.

Erin said...

I am glad this blessed you. I recommend you read a book by Dana Candler called Deep Unto Deep. It has helped me understand those kinds of times and the importance of intimacy with Him. Stay encouraged!